When people discuss with me why they feel spanking is okay, I am reminded why I offer tools that I hope will support you and your children with their social emotional development.
Spanking, neglect, time out etc. are all reactions to behaviour. Generally, your reactions are based on how you were raised.
Gentleness is an attitude of tenderness and love toward humans and the world around us. Gentleness flows from a DESIRE not to harm anyone or anything. With Gentleness we are ALL SAFE. It takes STRENGTH to use SELF-CONTROL that Gentleness requires especially when we feel HURT or ANGRY. Being Gentle with OURSELVES assists us to be more forgiving and kind to others. Taking time to speak softly, thinking kindly and moving wisely nurtures the SOUL.
How do you express your feelings peacefully to your children when they have done something that is unexpected or inappropriate?
I would suggest using "I statements" Acknowledge the behaviour and share your feelings. If you are unable to speak to your feelings around the action, then perhaps it is a learning moment for you to "Pick your battles."
If it a safety issue, explain how concerned you are feeling for their safety. If it is an appropriate behaviour ask " What could you have done differently?"
How do you show gentleness to yourself? You are a role model for children. Do you take deep breaths, walk away, nurture yourself?
How do you make the environment safe? 75% of behaviour is environment and you are a part of that environment.
Please remember that children needed to learn to walk and there were steps that needed to happen before this development occurred.
Social emotional and cognitive development happen in stages and are learned. You are preparing children for life.
Please find more in my Guiding behaviour and Social emotional workshops